What Do I Love?

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What do I love?  I asked myself this the other day, while I was eating raw carrots and particularly good hummus, and I thought, I really love this combination. The conversation continued…Do I love all the food I eat?  I thought, no, not really.  I really love exceptional bread and an awesome salad.  I really love a fantastic bowl of spaghetti.  I don’t really love cookies, or chips and I don’t even really love most meat, or even cheese most of the time…to which I asked: Then why do I eat it?

It got me thinking…why do I eat what I don’t love, or for that matter, how much of my life is spent doing things I don’t love to do?  I suppose the realists out there are groaning now, thinking I am going to stop doing the dishes or sweeping the floors…I won’t stop, (but maybe they might get done a bit less often), because after all, I do love a peaceful, organized environment and I can’t have that without a clean room.  No, it’s not about the incidentals, the keeping life going moments, it’s about the big stuff.

Someone told me yesterday they had the sensation like “Ok, this has been fun, but when is my real life going to start?”  I have been pondering that ever since, and again and again I come around to – what do I love?  After all, what is real life?  Is it the correct way of walking through the modern world: nice car, clean house, manicured lawn, weekends of occasional socialization, a trip to church, some grocery shopping, maybe a movie, a late night, a bit of food indulgence and back to work on Monday?  Is that in fact real life?  Or is real life the unchained expression of “what do I love” played out in fantastic technicolor?

Life in full color, that sounds more like it, life in beautiful blue and green, yellow and gold, red and purple all proclaiming here I am, I am alive, I am vibrant, I am happy, joyful, grateful.  I am free.

Most people I talk to have learned to like or at least accept what they do…picking out the pieces which can possibly hold potential for appreciation: financial security, the use of strategy or complex problem solving, maybe a chance for social interaction or to be complimented on a particular talent.

And again, the realists are shuddering at my notion we can all in fact live lives where we do what we love.  I have a friend who loves to clean, she loves it, loves it as a job, as what she does in service to those she cares for. I know others who love to sew, still others who love to work on cars, or computers, or cook, or do yoga.  And honestly, best-selling books are built on those who threw caution to the wind and pioneered off to do what they loved rather than what they were supposed to accept.  Why is it we are taught to be satisfied with close enough when it comes to living what we love?

After all, how may college students are encouraged to “minor” in the field they love because it may not offer “proper” compensation?  How about in our relationships?  How many times do we see people acquiescing into patterns of meek acceptance with people who don’t ignite a spark of full technicolor living?

The one process I see unfold in everyone who has an Activation is some manner of posing the question: What do I love?

It’s a hard question for some, like standing at an abyss, lonely in fact, because we have so much conditioning to not answer truthfully.  I mentioned I love my carrots and hummus, but I see so many who are completely locked in the never ending diet cycle that food has become an enemy and they can no longer identify what they love, because it’s all confusion.  Imagine, all that anxiety about food and then think of the magnitude, which can apply when we begin to ask the same about our career, hobbies, where we live, our friends, our social circle, our faith.

But something magical happens for us during our series of Activations.  As fear, the inhibitor of love dissipates, fading into the sepia background, and awe, amazement, excitement, possibility and technicolor grandeur emerge into our view, what we love becomes more and more in focus.

What do I love?  As I continue my healing journey, the DNA Activations chip away at the block of old programmed ways of being and my true self eagerly points to the answers.  I love being here, I love being fed, I love being rested, I love being joyful, I love the sun, a warm breeze, the dark warmth of a summer night, I love the laughter of my children, and the way my husband smiles at me, I love stars, I love water, I love good books, and deep breathing.  I love my cup of coffee in the morning, I love that this healing journey has no end.

I wonder what you will find in your own asking, I wonder what joys lie hidden yet ready to be exposed.  For what is a real life if not a life based on what we love regardless of convention, regardless of “normal”, regardless of expectation.  At then end of this journey, it won’t matter if our lawn was perfect, or if our clothing was the most in style, it will matter only how many moments we lived where we could say with all authority and truth, “I lived what I love”.

Dr. Julie